Zombie Hooker Nightmare: A Review

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Adultswim.com, part of the Cartoon Network family, is well known for their violent tongue-in-cheek games. From playing as an Amateur Surgeon to Five Minutes To Kill Yourself, the developers of these miniature web games have no idea where the line is. Which is awesome.

Their latest addition to the website is Zombie Hooker Nightmare. The premise is simple. You’re a hooker, living in a trailer in a very maze-like cemetery. Zombies have taken over the world but you’ve still got to make a buck. Luckily the undead don’t deter your customers, who stand around like the sheep they are until either they’re killed or you pick them up.

When you first begin the game, you’re standing outside your trailer with legions of the undead headed your way. For some reason, all the zombies in this cemetery are remnants of hot chicks. Most of them are green and can be taken out with one well placed punch or kick. The gold ones are a little hardier, using their own limbs to give them reach and taking two hits to kill. Your job, should you choose to accept it, is to make as much money as possible before being inevitably killed.

Each level charges you with picking up tricks, with the difficulty going up one trick per level. The controls are simple enough. The directional buttons move you and the space bar is attack. But, when getting a trick’s attention, you use the “X” button to slap your ass. This causes them to turn from puke yellow to black which makes them unkillable by the zombies. That’s right, YOUR ASS is the most potent defense against the undead. Unfortunately your powers only work on the customers and you must defend yourself as you wander, lest your health bar reach zero and end the game.

The game is pretty generous with weapons however. Everything from a machine gun to a severed leg to a heeled shoe can be used to kill the enemy. Watch out though; all weapons have a limited number of hits or uses. If you manage to herd all the men to your trailer before you use up the weapon though, it will have full ammo/hits when the next level begins.

As a hooker, your job is to rake in the cash. Tricks give you most of your points, but for every zombie you kill you get a small monetary reward. There also can be cash or weapons hidden in the tombstones, so be sure to deface as much property as you can. But be warned! Greedy bastards that just run around the level are in for a surprise. The game starts sending more diverse enemies, including zombies in red dresses that blow kisses of doom. If you get caught in their haze it slows you down. And trust me, a slow hooker is a dead hooker. And if even then you aren’t deterred, the game sends out decapitated obese women in lingerie to throw their flaming heads at you. o_O

That’s not to say the game is without its faults. Being a web based game on Adultswim, the goal is to get the high score for the week and be immortalized for ten seconds on television. So the game is remorseless about death. If you run out of health, there is no save. You are just dead. Much like real life. I also found out the hard way that gunning down a clump of zombies surrounding the trick will also gun down the guy. Friendly fire is always on here. And nothing is more frustrating than having a weapon with a long reach, like the golf club, and not be able to use it. If you get too close to the zombies, they’ll hit you so fast you don’t even have a chance to use your weapon, no matter what you have.

In conclusion, as far as free web based games go, Zombie Hooker Nightmare is a lot of fun. Addictive and needing an alarmingly high degree of strategy in later levels, it has the added incentive of being able to be minimized. You know, in case your boss walks in. Save a hooker, kill a zombie.

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