PlayBoy Game Lets You “Manage” The Bunnies

“Lol what?”

That’s about the only response I can muster. Even faced with overwhelming evidence that this game is going to exist come summer; the official press release, the website complete with beta invites and a chance to win a free lifetime subscription to Playboy magazine, and a Twitter page…I still am having a hard time making my brain grasp the concept of a Playboy MMO.

That’s right. MMO. As in Massively Multiplayer Online Game. Er, my bad…an MCOG (Massively Casual Online Game). WTF is that, you ask? Me too. Let’s read the official announcement shall we? (BOLD is my peanut gallery comments).

“Jolt Online Gaming, the leading browser games publisher, is more than a little excited to announce the launch of Playboy Manager, the Massively Casual Online Game (MCOG) you can play on any Internet browser at any time. (Nekkid girls at work?)

In Playboy Manager, you play a crack talent agent managing the career of some of Playboy’s hottest up-and-coming models. Competing against thousands of other players, you will guide your model’s career toward her ultimate goal: Becoming a world-renowned Playmate with a permanent room in the Playboy Mansion!

“We’ve wanted to do a Playboy game forever,” exclaimed Dylan Collins, CEO of Jolt.“As enormous fans of the articles, (Just the articles too I’m sure)we jumped at the opportunity to bring the game online for a huge audience. Who hasn’t wanted to manage a Playboy model?” (I don’t think the Jolt team realizes that “manage” is supposed to be an euphemism)

“We are delighted to work with Jolt in offering our fans this great new way to experience and enjoy the World of Playboy,” said Scott Stephen, Executive Vice President and General Manager of Playboy Digital.

Combining the best elements of trading card and turn-based gaming(Gotta Catch ’em all!), Playboy Manager is the only online game to feature exclusive content from Playboy, including videos and photos of breathtaking Playboy models. The game, to launch in Summer 2009, will be playable for free at www.playboymanager.com

If you pre-register right now at www.playboymanager.com, you could win one of several lifetime subscriptions to Playboy magazine– a prize offered only to pre-registered users!

Playboy Manager is a continuous game designed to be played in short bursts from any Internet browser at any time. Play it during a lecture, on your phone or even in the office (when the boss isn’t looking!) (Encourage insubordination. Rally against the man. Rabble, rabble, rabble!)Bookmark www.playboymanager.com now!

Acquire wealth, fame, and a bevy of beautiful models while you compete with thousands of other players — all of them after exactly the same things. Strive to drive the finest cars, throw the biggest parties, and encounter the world’s sexiest women– the luxurious Playboy lifestyle presented in an online game packed full of wit, style, and pictures which can only be described as titillating.”

Of course they forget to mention if you get to do what everyone reading this is wondering…which is sex up the ladies. No word, but since it’d be bad business practice (though probably really common) I’d guess not. Adding to this theory is the fact that on their website they call the girls “semi-naked”. What, no full frontal? What kind of Playboy game is this?

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GoG Gives Middle Finger To DRM

Good Old Games (or GoG) is a website that I stumbled upon today while reading through press releases. Apparently it went live back in October of last year; offering older PC titles for as little as $5.99 with unlimited downloads once you purchase the game. Really, it’s just a big fuck you to games like Spore. Which is awesome.

All users have to do is sign up for a beta account which they access to buy and download games. Creating an account also gets customers’ access to game support, forums where they can rate, review and discuss games, and read the free digital manual included with every game.

And boy, have they got games! From Farcry to Stronghold, Ghost Recon to Fallout there’s a nostalgia game for everyone. Hell, I’m going to download Fallout just for the chance to play it (since ebay and amazon certainly aren’t selling it for $6). GoG’s latest acquisition and the one that led me to discover this great service, is Postal.That’s right, one of the most controversial games of the last few decades is available for non-DRM download. Oh the humanity!

Now all the violence and blood can be yours again!

Now all the violence and blood can be yours again!

According to their spokespeople:

…has shocked the world by signing a deal with Running With Scissors, the developer behind the legendary POSTAL series. The agreement brings the following games to the GOG site: POSTAL Classic and Uncut, including the Special Delivery pack, and POSTAL 2 with expansions. Both games are compatible with Windows Vista and XP and loaded with free bonus stuff. Of course you’ll have to be 18 years-old to buy the games, because violence and profanity are not appropriate for growing minds, mmkay?

POSTAL and its sequels have won over gamers around the world and even spawned an Uwe Boll movie masterpiece, thanks to irreverent, butt-splitting social satire, streams of pee and some inspired weaponry. As Postal Dude, the player’s primary goal is to stay alive and get the hell out of Paradise. That objective, needless to say, is easier said than done. Along the way you’ll meet a fantastic gallery of characters guaranteed to keep you chuckling even as you’re laying the business end of a shovel across their heads. If this all sounds appealing to you… well, you probably need some serious help. But instead of bouncing around a padded room, kick back and go POSTAL. Your government-provided caregivers will no doubt approve.

“Running With Scissors is a group of funny and crazy people, and maybe that’s why everything’s gone so smoothly with the deal,” said Adam Oldakowski, Managing Director of GOG.com.“We know that the series is controversial, but GOG.com is all about bringing back old games that were critical, commercial or cult hits, and POSTAL is at least one of those!

“I’m sure lots of our mature users remember the games but maybe weren’t allowed to play them because of age restrictions or otherwise missed out on the POSTAL experience. So now they have a great chance to make up for that!”

Fire and firearms. What problem CAN'T they solve?

Fire and firearms. What problem CAN'T they solve?

Other than this classic, the number of games offered on their site is immense. I’m far too lazy to count, but if the number of times I hit the “next” button is any indication, GoG already has a collection of well over a hundred games to pick from. So if you’ve got nothing better going on (and if you’re reading this on the Saturday night I posted it….let’s be honest, you don’t) shake a leg over to their About Us and give them a look. The most you have to lose is $6 and several hours of your life to fun and entertainment.

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