Microsoft Puts Fingers In A New Pie

Microsoft must look at the world as one giant Monopoly board and they HAVE to own everything. Because clearly no one else can properly manage Marvin Gardens. Or something.

The company announced eariler today that they are going to open their own retail chain. After all, if Apple can do so can they. They intend to use this opportunity to “…create deeper engagement with consumers and continue to learn firsthand about what they want and how they buy.”  In other words, they want to stop people from smacking down their products and will do so with an iron fist.

Microsoft appointed David Porter to oversee this new division. Porter worked for Dreamworks prior to this new gig but I doubt Microsoft is interested in his ability to market crappy kids toys. No, I think they’re more interested in his TWENTY-FIVE year history with Wal-Mart, where Porter clawed his way up the corporate ladder to vice president and general merchandise manager of the megastore’s entertainment division.

While the company hasn’t released any dates or locations yet, I can’t help but think that with a former Wal-Mart employee behind the curtain and Microsoft’s Scrooge McDuck tower of money that one day I’ll wake up and be able to see three of them from my house.