Bottoms Up!

st-patrick-s-day

To show appreciation for St. Patrick’s Day (Tuesday, the 17th) I really wanted to do a list of my favorite video games that allow the character’s to imbibe alcohol. I really wanted to. But alas, there seemed to be no Google cache for me to mine for ideas. Only an ESRB link claiming that they’ve rated 157 games as having “Use of Alcohol.” However, they will only show me the first 25. Stupid broken links.

Amazing really that no one has delved into this subject before. Makes me want to do a list of my favorite instances of sex in video games too. But that’s for another day. So without the mighty Internet to guide my steps, my husband and I sat down to recall our most memorable alcohol induced gaming moments.

  1. Chrono Trigger: This game signifies the first time in my gaming life that consumption of liquid actually affected the characters. Sure, I’d imbibed any number of strange potions beforehand…the platform games of my youth were littered with the notion that anything found on the ground, in a block or box was safe and perfectly fine to ingest…but drinking in Chrono Trigger produced text boxes with *hiccup* or slurred speech. And it encouraged binge drinking contests for little reward. A great precursor to college. Thanks SNES!
  2. Everquest: I still remember what character I was on the first time I drank multiple bottles of cheap beer in EQ. My poor little Wood Elf. Up until that point, alcohol might have made for funny dialogue in an RPG, but the bizarre way the world warped after six beers is my first memory of drinking affecting gameplay. Suddenly that gnome six inches from me looked like he was twenty feet away. And hey! Why was my character listing to the right? I even remember a time when I moved the wrong way and clipped into a wall, remaining stuck until such time as the effects of my excessive drinking wore off.
  3. WarCraft II: My husband recalls many a time playing as Orks only to find them bored at the barracks. And what do bored Orks do? Get drunk and beat the crap out of each other! (Like any loosely based Irish race would) Of course, this comes as a detriment since the Empire had the uncanny knack for attacking en masse as soon as the Orks had decided to kill each other, making victory difficult to obtain. Although it did teach a valuable lesson in busy work, aka mindless patrols.
  4. Grand Theft Auto IV: My cousin innocently suggests grabbing a beer at the local tavern. I figure why not? Two hours later, Niko is stumbling out of the bar (which you can’t go in for whatever reason -_-) and is only loosely under my control. Just getting into the car is an exercise in physics and patience. But once I managed it, then the real fun began! Who knew drinking and driving was so much fun? No wonder people risk bodily injury, jail and excruciatingly painful death. And little known fact; once you drop off your friend/cousin, the cops assume you’re sober and live you alone.

But those are just mine…and one of my husband’s. I know there are at LEAST 154 more out there. What alcohol induced moments are ingrained in your brain? What fuzzy, inappropriate childhood memory do you cherish? Let me know. In honor of St. Patrick, the patron saint of liver disease!

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