PETA Finally Discovers Games…fuck. know, except for that new steakhouse I just opened. know, except for that new steakhouse I just opened.

PETA has never been my favorite group of people. While I do believe that animals should be treated humanely, I draw the line at picketing KFC. I like chicken and for fucks sake, they’re chickens.

But now PETA has decided that killing more animals per year than anyone else, promoting celebrity spokespeople that seem unclear on what their shilling for and harassing rich women in heirloom fur coats is not enough. Clearly, the real threat…is video games. Yes PETA, video games are killing the defenseless animals. They’re also responsible for any child born after 1980 being a degenerate and every mass shooting in the last two decades. All right, I know that sounded snippy, but come on. Let’s look at the how they’re “utilizing this medium to promote their cause.”

Yes. Seriously.

Yes. Seriously.

Back in November of last year, conveniently in time for Thanksgiving, PETA introduced this gem in all its copyright infringement glory; taking players through the “horror” and “graphic-ness” of gutting, cleaning and generally preparing a turkey. In the end, win or lose, the player is treated to a video montage of the cruelty inflicted on commercially raised turkey. I’m not sure who this was aimed at? Is PETA trying to scar kids early in the hopes that their trauma will lead to a vegan lifestyle instead of a phobia of turkeys? Are they aiming for the hard to capture demographic of “Microwaving-kittens-is-fun-but-Dad-said-he-kill-me-if-I-did-it-again”? All this really did, as far as I can tell, is prove that PETA has no regard for brand name property and also doesn’t understand the type of people that play Cooking Mama. On a side note: Cooking Mama also has PLENTY of vegetarian dishes so it seems even more ridiculous. It’d be different if Cooking Mama was hooking electrodes up to cow testicles as a way of tenderizing…but she wasn’t. Side note of side note: I’d totally play that game.

Kill that seal! It's rare and drops epics!

Kill that seal! It's rare and drops epics!

Every year, thousands of baby seals are mercilessly crushed to death by heartless Canadians…according to PETA. In fact, seals are a plague and if only they looked like cicadas instead of fluffy balls of sad puppy eyes, no one would care. But they don’t, so we do. In order to combat this atrocity PETA set up a WoW account and was going to have Horde players killing baby seals. The idea was to get people to “stop” them and thus bring attention to their cause. On a single server. Sadly, PETA again failed to understand their audience and instead of “Stop Clubbing Baby Seals” the event degenerated into flame wars and fights. After all, why the HORDE? Wouldn’t the Alliance be just as likely to kill cute and cuddly creatures? Why is the Horde always the villain? Taurens are a very earth-friendly race and not evil at all and blah, blah, blah…you get the point.

Oh my GOD! Nazi!

Oh my GOD! Nazi!

Even history isn’t safe from PETA. This was recently reinforced by their disdain for the way dogs were portrayed in Call of Duty:World at War. Apparently, gunning down rabbid dogs who had been trained specifically to kill people is wrong. Nevermind that it endangers human life;  humans are far less important that the poor, snarling puppies. Never mind that it actually happened. PETA is going 1984 on this shit. If we act like it never happened….it never happened. Wait, is PETA holocaust deniers too? Anyway, in order to show CoD:WoW devs how to properly care for animals, they were all sent a complimentary copy of Nintendogs…that they promptly gave to their daughters and went back to making zombie nazis.

Oh, the humanity!!

Oh, the humanity!!

PETA and the circus have never gotten along. But I think it says something about the state of a game when I don’t even know of its existence until PETA starts to protest it. Such is the case with Ringling Bros and Barnum & Bailey Circus: The Game. Yes. Seriously. And because the circus, by law, abuses any animal in its possession (particularly those uppity elephants. Who do those bitches think they are; all painting and counting and having a complex society?) the GAME is under attack by PETA. They aren’t even trying with this one. They aren’t angry about the game, but the fact that a gaming company would dare to go into business with something as innately evil as a circus. Really, PETA? Really?

And I’m sure there’s more. While only mildly game related, there is the recent debacle over Google using goats to cut their grass. Apparently feeding animals and saving the environment AT THE SAME TIME just isn’t good enough for some people.


Nintendo Tries Jedi Mind Trick

You -will- hate used games!

You -will- hate used games!

You know Nintendo of America president, Reggie Fils-Aime, seems like a pretty okay guy. After all, what other higher up in any company would allow themselves to be put on a t-shirt? But every now and then  he says or does something that reminds me that no matter how cool video game executives may seem, they’re all tools. had an article today, that took a terrible nosedive into “Battle of the Sexes” but it started out with good intentions. Reggie gave an interview to VentureBeat (go Team Venture!…sorry) magazine and, bless him, made himself sound like an idiot. Here’s the bit that has people talking:

VB: Used games are coming up as a big issue again. Why?

RFA: More and more retailers are experimenting with the used game model. We don’t believe used games are in the best interest of the consumer. We have products that consumers want to hold onto. They want to play all of the levels of a Zelda game and unlock all of the levels. A game like Personal Trainer Cooking has a long life. We believe used games aren’t in the consumer’s best interest.

VB: Because?

RFA: Describe another form of entertainment that has a vibrant used goods market. Used books have never taken off. You don’t see businesses selling used music CDs or used DVDs. Why? The consumer likes having a brand-new experience and reliving it over and over again. If you create the right type of experience, that also happens in video games.

VB: Could this be rectified if the retailers share some of that used game revenue with the publishers?

RFA: That could make it more palatable. But we just think it’s a bad idea. The one retailer that has a substantial business in this has figured out a way that is effective for the consumer. That’s tough for other retailers experimenting with this, in part because their employees don’t have the expertise in this market.

The bits that are like this were added as emphasis by me. Now, I’m no economics major, but let me see if I can dissect those bits into laymen terms.

1. We don’t believe games are in the best interest of the consumer.

What Reggie really means to say here is that used games aren’t in the best interest of Nintendo. If you’re buying Zelda used for $34.99 instead of new for $49.99, that’s money out of their pocket. Reggie does try a nice guilt tactic, that sadly seems to work on fanboys of any system, which implies that selling your games back to buy other games or pay rent somehow makes you less of a gamer. Nice try, Fils-Aime but I see what you did there.

2. You don’t see business’s selling used music CD’s or DVD’s.

O rly? Maybe not from your posh Nintendo of America address. Or if you don’t have internet access in your spiffy corner office to shop on Ebay. Or Hell, I live in a puny, middle of nowhere dot and I can think of three stores off the top of my head that sell used DVD’s and CD’s. And there’s no Jedi mind trick implied here; just plain ol’ denial.

3. That would make it more palatable.(Imagine him saying this in Emperor Palpatine’s voice)

Reggie, Reggie, Reggie. You had them in the palm of your hand and you ruined it with this simple sentence. By admitting that “certain retailers” *cough*GameStop*cough* cutting you a slice of the profit margins would make used games in the best interest of the consumer, you only prove that my interpretation of your first point is correct. When did executives become so transparent in their attempt to become Scrooge McDuck?

Interview FAIL.

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Another Twilight Rant

So, I know everyone and their mother has an opinion on Twilight and all it’s marketing glory. But I’m throwing in my two cents, because this is the internet and I can. So nyah.

Maybe I’ve been living under a rock since 2005. Or maybe my daughter is too young to care about sparklepyres and Mommy would rather her vampires novels have more smut in them. So it wasn’t until Stephanie Meyer threw her enormous hissy fit about Midnight Sun getting leaked or whatever that I’d even heard of these things. And to this day I wish I’d been more willing to let it slide. To not click the link. To not delve into the black pit of Twilight. But I didn’t so I did.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “God save me from your followers?” Yes? Well, this line with minor tweaks could apply to the legions of teenage girls and, surprisingly their moms, that see Edward Cullen as the second coming. I may have read these books. I have no problem with candy for the brain. None at all. A generically written, one dimensional plot has gotten me through many an airplane trip. But you can’t say that to Twilighters. To them, it’s the equivalent of saying Shakespeare was a hack that stole his work from better writers. (Which is also up for debate, but I digress). They slather on you with the spew of fanatic encyclopedic knowledge and abuse exclamation point use to the point that the grammar nazi in me curls into the fetal position and dies. Almost had to become an anti-Twilighter merely to survive in the sea of fangirl foam.

Then, through these posts and blogs and wiki’s, a small theme started to emerge. Meyer’s vampires don’t drink human blood. Fine, I can handle that. After all, Louie from Interview With A Vampire tried that for a while. A nice way to show the struggle between the monster and the man. Then, Meyer’s vampires can go out in the daylight. And SPARKLE. Okay, wait. I can justify this. Give me a second. Oh, wait. You say the oldest Cullen is only a few hundred years old? *Spazzes and dies.* The only vampire I know of that could walk in the sun unaffected was Dracula and this is because he’s older than dirt. And then, the vampires don’t have fangs? Wait, what? Damn, evolution hates these vampires. And then, they’re cold and have no pulse. Plausible…in fact even fairly normal in vampire lore. But they can still produce sperm and babies…biology for the lose. A revolutionary theory occurs to me: Meyer’s sparklpyres aren’t even vampires but those evil Elves dragging  the good vampire name through the mud. Shame on them.

I won’t even go into the Mary Sue-ness of Bella or whatnot because I enjoy a good Mary Sue. Hell, I read the Anita Blake novels. But I’m not going to tout them as a pardigm of modern literature. They’re a fun read that makes my husband happy because he gets continuously laid for a few days after I read one. There’s another reason Twilight grates on me. The entire lack of sex. But Donna, you say, they’re YA literature. Sex would be inappropriate. Ah, but it was the publisher and not Meyer that stuck them there. So instead of a sexy romp, you get four books of cock-teasing and angst.

According to the almighty internets, there is also a theme of relationship abuse, female subservience and a sad lack of Bella having a life outside of “OMG he loves me!”. No outside friends, no hobbies, no nothing. I can’t say if that’s true or not, but my brain seizes every time I try to read these books again. So I won’t go into the argument of whether Bella is a bad role model for tween girls.

I will leave you with a final thought. If you were going to live forever and look seventeen, would you A) repeat high school until the end of time or 2) make the logical leap to saying you’re eighteen to avoid said hell that is high school and get a job at the local bookstore? Poor Edward, he’s in hell for eternity because his brain couldn’t make that logic leap. Actually, it probably could but then he wouldn’t have met Bella so the author had to neuter that thought along with most everything that makes a vampire a vampire.